Monday, July 28, 2008


Once in a year or two, I am faced with a dilemma. Its like a pattern. As much as I hate to acknowledge it, I hate dilemmas. It make me feel uneasy, incomplete and maybe to a certain extent, insecure. Whoa... I am being towards negative, here, but reality in life strucks. You can't tell them to go away. They are also, somewhat an effect of your own doing. Nevertheless, I believe in letting it out, I mean, honest feelings, to find yourself, be it negative or positive. And that will actually helps to see things objectively, and maybe even find a solution for it.

Today I am hit by one. A dilemma. .. . from a situation which that I've started several years ago. I got involved in a 'financial career path' which I wasn't sure if I really wanted to venture into. Somehow after a few trainings, I feel that it was doable and along the way, I got excited at the prospect. It seemed so easy, yes of course, when you are convinced that its something you wanted to do. Quite a lucrative venture, and with a 'great and friendly' team, what could go wrong?

I did quite a number of prospecting for new trainees. They saw the potentials. And we learned and worked together. Things seems to be going so well. We even had least for me. I even got promoted to one level higher. Somehow priorities change. While it was a fairly good career path, I do have other responsibilities and obligations. In fact, before my friend called me regarding this venture, I had just relinquished all other prior activities. Which was why I wasn't too sure if I should get involved in anything else at all. Somehow I got 'convinced' by the team. I was willing to try it out, unaware of the culture sets within the organisation.

The 'culture' I was referring to surfaced soon after my friend suddenly decided to be involved in a business. She decided not to concerntrate in just this venture, and 'declare' it to all. That was the biggest mistake ever. Soon, she was asked to relinquish her whole team. And most of us, the newbies, were confused. But we stayed on. We still question, though, what happened to TLC they so preaches? What happened to Big Heart?

After about a year, when I feel its time for me to proritize other things for my family, history was about to repeat itself. However, learning lessons from my friend, I stood firm, and carry on with my decision without letting off any of my team. Hey....there are such things as 'agreement', 'consent' and 'signature'.

A couple of years down the road, I remained an inactive agent with a very active double team. They remained strong and growing. Slow and steady. This somehow creates another situation where some interested party were not too happy with my situation. Not directly, but attempts were made that these people be transfered away from me to their direct team.

I have to make a decision. One, just let my inactivity be, que sera, sera... or plan something. It has to be in line with my priorities. The question is, am I willing to make that change?


cakapaje said...

Salam ydiana,

I know your situation, having been there and perhaps still am. Now, everything depends on you, yourself - what do you really want?

For me then, I made a quick decision and left the team - initially going 'on leave', later on for good.

But here's a trick that may help you make that decision - perform solat istikharoh. If you need pointers, I think you can just google the words. However, you have to do it repeatedly until you are satisfied with the reply given. If there is none, then, you are free to chose. May Allah s.w.t. grant you the wisdom to make the choice.

Ydiana said...

Salam Shah

Appreciate your thoughts. I know I've been prolonging this issue for too long, indecisive is one, afraid to make a mistake is another. There are times when I just want to get it over and done with, but I supposed I didn't want those 'interested' party to win too easily. But rezeki di tangan Allah. Actually if I were to continue this way, no one is victimised. My friends who joined are very well independent, responsible, know what they want; not some green inexperienced little girls. That's why I feel its ok for me to take a back seat for a while. Just that 'person' is not happy seeing someone else who might benefit without that much effort. Not to mentione I was 'lucky' enough to have 2 good groups growing.

As for solat istikharah, maybe this is not big enough (or important enough, I feel) at the moment. Suffice to say from the doa after solat and continuosly 'talking' to Him, I think I have found the answer. InsyaAllah, I have something up my sleeve. No one can push me beyond what I am prepared to do.

Thanks a million for your advice.

Eskapisminda said...

Hi Diana, i can relate to this. i was once in similar position. it's funny when people who preached TLC became the opposite polar once you decided to leave. Makes me leave even faster!

Ydiana said...

Hey Intan!

I just found this comment..haha..after almost a year! Sorr ya..

Yes, these people now looked ridiculous and 'greedy' once they take off their TLC mask to a become a heartless person. Funny thing is, they can still preach TLC even after that, with lovey dovey eyes to new people...haha!